The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
