u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
