good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
