Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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