Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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