Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
