but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
