just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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