i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
