I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
