Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
