There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
