i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
