I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Less talking, more tequila
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
