somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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