Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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