I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
