I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
