K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
