If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
