Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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