I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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