He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
