I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
