Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
