good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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