Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
