He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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