I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
