how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
