After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
