can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
