Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
