I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
