Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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