That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
