I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
