bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
