I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I could fuck to npr.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
