i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
