I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Every concussion has its silver lining
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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