I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
