he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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