I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
