hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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