My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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