Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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