Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
They took my balls.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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