dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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