well I can't set my house on fire every night
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
we're so committed to being not committed
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