the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
