My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
