Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
